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Wednesday, November 30, 2005

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Who's my greatest enemy?

hmmm.. You must have thought about it and probably accounted my gr8est enemy for someone else or something.

But, here's my answer. It's me, inevitably and undeniably. M-E.

I don't how I should be talking about it. Fear, the common emotion often stirred up in all of us, is caused mainly due to myself? And, Im especially fearful of my subconscious,a state of half-asleep and half-awake, cause I go off thinking of the the worst and most improbable situations that seemed so surreal and confusing.

Maybe that's why recently I've been suffering from a memory lapse, I mixed up past, present, fantasy and dreams. It's to the extent that I recall doing something, but I can't recall if it's this or that person, or even when. Recently, past to me is like a week ago and yesterday is like today. I don't really know what's wrong. haha..

But it's fine with me. I'm one who like to live AS controversy. Learn me on your jouney as my friend to learn that you need to unlearn sometimes. I'm really just human. Expectations too high often break you, not me.

Think I'm really great at picking myself up from shards of glass, but I think I'm better at throwing myself into these glass. LoL, hope you get what I mean.

Life have been much of a fiasco and I feel jaded. "Of what?" Of all the sh*t that people throw me with. What's worst is to have your close friend stereotype and assume grave matters about you. Please dont. Don't generalise, categorize, typicalise me.

I may not be a lot, but I'm definitely much more.

I know what anyone of you might do to your friends is to slightly generalise them, so that you'll be able to access how s/he would react in a particular situation. But let me tell you this: don't lock me in. Let me soar. Don't chain me up. Let me soar. Willy, a whale in the wild.


You're so fragile now that the World is your sole pillar.
I've become no more than an ignition spark and cause to all the problems.
If the real pit hole lies in yourself, face it.
Don't recognise it and go throwing the load on others.
Don't apologise(esp not to me) if meaning it is the last thing on your mind.

Nevertheless, I'll still pray for you. God bless.

till then; 18:33



Monday, November 28, 2005

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As I sit here in front of the cpu, listening to "8 Gatsu No Kirin" and other tracks on the album, Tokyo Cafe, I feel a sense of emptiness. I don't how I should put it. But felt that this past year, I've been living my life running around the race track, like I thought I'm moving forward but in fact, I'm not.


-[[ They say if you love something, let it go.

If it comes back, it's yours. That's how you know .]]-



Time let us meet and have our fates crossed.

Time separated us probably.

Time never let us forget the pain,



It only teaches us to live and get use to the pain. (._.)

Tokyo Cafe
Smooth
Sensitive . Relaxing

till then; 15:35



==============================
I wonder: have you ever met someone who looked like you? I certainly did. I came across a profile on friendster and due to boredness, went to look at the pictures. Guess what I saw!! MYSELF!!
wahahaha.. Was certainly shocked and after a few private message exchanges, we chatted online, over the phone and in person. I certainly had a great time.

We did have some great time together, and I deeply thank you for your precious time spent on me. We find it weird meeting each other sometimes, because we're, at some angles, like looking at ourselves. LoL.. We're not really alike if we're talking about close friends, cause the differences are there. But at a glance it could be tough to differentiate. hehe Though I believe that we will not be close friends, just feel so, I really wish you all the brightness in your persue of your purpose of life. haha..

Happy Birthday To Wei Xiang!!

Yeah, the reason for this entry is to dedicate the day to Mr Tan Wei Xiang (lol). Happy Birthday!! I wish you have a great life and find a suitable other half that will love you and pamper you!!.. hehe.. God Bless you folks reading this.
(Top: Wei Xiang
Bottom: Willy and Yuhui)

Never meant to be.

till then; 00:00



Sunday, November 27, 2005

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Counting My Blessings
I realised my entries were like Straits Times, long and windy. So, I'm gonna have a short one right now. I was really happy last night. Felt really blessed, 'cause I've friends who care. Guess I've simply learnt to treasure my surroundings and count my blessings(so many to speak of).

Life is beautiful and so are you. : ]

till then; 11:52



Saturday, November 26, 2005

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hmm.. below is a speech which I used to enter a Public Speaking Competition when I was Secondary 4. Eh.. Come to think of it, I've to thank Ms Lau Gek Mui for her trust in me and Alicia Tan Y.J. (My alter ego, Yin) for assisting me through many ways and helping prepare cue cards(still have them).

Though I chickened out and spoke like a mouse on the mic, held it quite far.. Disappointing, but now that I'm talking about this here means I've grown out of it!! :) then.. hmm.. really good experience, now a far better speaker bah.. hehe.. Just to share this essay/speech with you guys, enjoy..

Cheers..

-[[ Why the need for a friend? ]]-

-[["They lend a listening ear, share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us, and for us" That is what I came across in an email recently, which talked about friendship. What is your idea of a friend then?

If you had thought of a friend as a person whom you laugh and cry with, then may I ask: Is that all a friend does? Doesn't a friend do more that?

I personally believe that the word "friend" is not what a few words can be used to explain fully. Friendship is a very common type of relationship between humans, it is a feeling inside yourself that says, "She seems to be it, I think we'll be able to make great friends." Look around you, and you'll find that there exists no standard checklist to decide whether or not someone is your friend. Therefore, you can say that friendship is a simple thing about feelings of your heart, or that it can be a complex thing as you can't be definitely sure how you can consider someone a friend.

Friendship is also one of the most essential relationships one needs in life. That is because one human alone isn't strong enough, both physically and mentally to deal with the many problems in life, it is only through many interdependent relationships that humans grow stronger. Through the challenges and trials in life, we have to find a pivot to be able to constantly balance our problems and ourselves and to eventually allow us to lift the load up with ease and be able to say, "I did it!" My circle of friends is my pivot in my life. Like the time I was tasked to plan a camp for my CCA, it was the people in my committee who stood by me and supported me all the way, and that made the planning very much smoother and easier. I must stress that it was the effort from everyone involved in the planning that made the camp an unforgettable one.

When it comes to the confidence and motivation during hard times, where can you get these but from friends, friends who will understand you. When one stumbles and falls, it will not be easy for one to stand right up and to continue with his or her journey there and then. This is natural as one will be afraid that one might fall again, or even fall with a greater impact. At such vulnerable moments, a friend could be a source of inspiration and encouragement to help one pick up oneself and find footing again. Another moment when friends are invaluable is when one has lost a dear one. A mere pat a couple of times on one's and companionable silence could just be the balm to make one feel that one is not alone facing the problem, and that one is not living in a cold, harsh and insensitive world that would continue revolving and not slow down for you. All of us do need a little branch to land upon and rest once in a while, but look down at that supporting branch; you'll not find it strange, if it is your friend you're relying on.

Another fact one can't deny is that sometimes, friends might understand the situation that you are in better than your family members and mentors. That is why our friends may be able to provide more assistance in some situations. Trust yourself into trusting them. And slowly they will be like back-up disks to our hearts, always reminding us of things that we shouldn't forget.

Each friend you make might not necessarily become a life-long friend, nothing is certain in this world. Different friends enter and leave your life at different times, but you must not sulk and be sad every time it happens. But you must know that there are reasons why this happens. A friend is like a petrol station to a car with an empty tank, refilling the tank with the important fuel, recharging the spirit of the weary driver who has had a long journey. The car is like our life, which we will gradually find meaningless if friends weren't present to fill it up with colours. They'll reconstruct and heal us, the drivers, making us ready to face the next challenge in life. But you'll have to leave that petrol station eventually, to continue with you journey, and the petrol station has to continue to operate for other friends. So, if they should leave, know that they have done their best for you and they have to continue with their life eventually, they have to venture too. It is hard to see someone leaving your life, but rest assured that a new friend is coming on his way, a new petrol station.

It is quite natural for friends to quarrel and have misunderstandings. However, if you were to be able to sit down and chat heart-to-heart with him or her, you will learn things you have never known about each other. You start to understand him or her more than before, and both of you will grow to become more sensitive to each other's feelings. And this will definitely strengthen the bonds between the two of you.

Of course, not every friend that you have acknowledged is going to be a true, good friend. Some might end up cheating on you and betraying your confidence. But, it is through this group of people that you'll learn who to trust and who not to. In many instances in your life, it is natural if you betray your dearest friend. It is not your fault that you are betrayed or that you have betrayed others; it's a weakness of man. We, in turn, should judge ourselves for whether or not to give this person one more chance to prove himself and your friends also has the right to decide whether you're worthy of another chance should you betray them.

Standing and growing up in this ever-changing world, we need friends to be by us. We need some one to trust, we need to be constantly affirm in life. We need understanding, we need comfort and we need all the help we could get. Where do we get them? You should know the answer by now: Our friends.

Allow your friends to be the rejuvenating petrol stations for you and be one for others have cross into your life. Leave footprints in others. Leave hope in others. Thank you.]]-

Friends, something so tangibly intangible.

till then; 23:20



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Another perfetc bright, sunny day, and I'm lazing at home. Tried blogging earlier on, but my com gave way to some virus and just had the virus eliminated. =)


I don't think I'm going to be a regular blogger. So, I'll only blog when I'm free. Eh.. that means I'm going to be regular during the holidays, 'cause I'm always free. O.o


AaRrgGghhhhh....!!..just a cry to wake up from my sleepy spell.


Anyway, after going round and round the bushes and whiping them furiously, I've decided the topic for this entry.

Black Beans International (BBI)


What the beans am I babbling about here?
hmm.. just a bunch of eight primary school friends who are still closely related(apparently) and sharing weals and some woes. Let's see who's in it, there's quite some interesting characters:

  • C. Shu Zhen aka Broom or A.B.Zhen (lol)
  • P. Yuhui aka Brush or Rosy or Ashlee Simpson(as she deceives herself)
  • N. Eileen aka Mot or Redant
  • Tan Jie Ying aka MOE (Ministr.y of Environment)
  • N. Shi Qi aka Pubic or SQ547
  • H. Lester aka Prawnboy or Broken engine
  • K. ShyTheng Serene aka Manager and Black bean(the reason why we exist)
  • B. Willy aka ChinaGuide

Let's talk about how we came about, we did not start in the primary school. We budded officially in the december of Secondary One, that's 2001. We got a chalet and basically we're just enjoying food and more food, which is some of the members' reason for living (just joking.. hehe). It all started with me thinking Serene always carry a black face around. So, I started calling her orh bean(Blackface/pun for Blackbean), and changing her handphone's Welcome message to "Hi, I'm orh bin" (or something similar). And yah, She likes to boss people around extensively (unbearably.. haha.. jk jk).

And during the barbeque, Lester said 'later' to every other food and keeps on munching, but on prawn, thus the name he got. JieYing got her name because she announce to the whole world that no one is to step on her bed, cause she's just tuck the sheets in, and every other hygiene matters that she digs in to earn her name. I guess ShiQi's nick is self-explanatory if you get to see him with slightly longer hair- they just all stand upright and perpendicular to his scalp and they look pubic-ly. LoL.

Mot, Broom and Brush were the names for the other three girls I gave them during primary school, because of their hairdos. LoL.. and they stuck to each other closely during those days already, so I gave them names from the same family. ChinaGuide!! Yeah.. that's because I'll roleplay as a guide speaking "beautifully accented" mandrain and starts introducing sentosa and thailand. lol..
eh, the other parts, dont wanna elaborate le.. three paragraphs solely on introductions.. duh..


Hmm, over the years, what we've done covered birthdays celebrations, beach outings, chalets, dining, chating and most of all, LAUGHING!! When we meet, we'll always laugh. hehe. Having fun bah.. We share what we have, tease each other, and we held on tight.

There are always touching stuff too, like the still-numbing pain when yuhui's Coco parted from this world, the drowning incident yuhui, shuzhen and me stupidly endured. And many more that i dont wanna mention that etched out hearts positively. =)

Friend I never wanna part with. That's you.

till then; 20:21



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perfetcLite

"What the hell!?!" you might think..
or
"You = perfect? bullsh*t!"

Yes, but no.. that's not what i meant.
Let me break it down.

Personally, "Perfetc" resembles perfect with the 't' and the 'c' mispelt, and this is what the whole idea is about. I'm am but an imperfectly perfect person. That's right.. Don't think too highly of me and yeah, don't misunderstand me. Next, you would probably wonder what "Lite" is. "Lite" is basically a name I got for myself. Symbolism? Hmm.. I simply think it sounds like Light. I don't know. Am confused myself too.. it's like hmm.. a grey area between light and darkness, and basically that is me. =) Sometimes an angel, but mostly a devil.

So, there you have it: An analysis of the blog.

Next, hmm.. like every project that anyone embarks on, there will, inevitably and subconciously, be the aims and objectives. And since this is my "debut" entry on my debut blog, I'm always gonna touch on that.

First and foremost, the objectives of my blog:
  • It's not to serve as my area for my desperate cry-outs or helpcalls.
  • It's to reflect mainly on my thoughts on certain topics and sparks that light my life.
  • It's to reflect my blessings and also, my mishaps.
  • It's for people who light my path.
  • It's for people who care.

hmm.. aint no easy task drawing the blog background myself, and to get the buttons, headings, hyperlinks right, I truly take pride in what I've done but I'd want to extend my gratitude to Ms PeiLi. LoL.. She have done lots: lent me her com, be thrown with tough and tedious jobs, guiding a stubborn idiot like me for a WHOLE DAY!! Thanks, hehe. I really appreciate today.. But please remember, I helped you to mop your house. hehe..

hmm, hehe.. yeah!! I drew the background myself!!! wahahaha... showoff (I can leh.. you show off if you can lors).. It might not be the best, but i think it's what I've got after giving my best in one day. =] and I hope viewers of this blog would take the extra mile to tag me if you have something to tell me. Yup. You might be a friend here to encourage me, or an arse wanting to put me down. Do what you life's worth. *Grins*

Would this blogging experience be a beautiful one, or would it be just a beautiful disaster?

.. We'll find out.

till then; 00:28



Friday, November 25, 2005

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me

till then; 19:44




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Speakers' Corner.



Extentions.

-[[ \=Lite's Friendster account=/ ]]-
SimPLi Great
Wonderwoman YunJie
King Ryker
Granny Shania
June
Thomas
SQ
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