-[ Double-U-Hedge, Double-U-Hedge-Wai-Wai ]-
Why Why Why.
Lalalalalla~ =)
Having a total assortment of thoughts man, but at least my mood's been settled and i've sorted out my emotions much better le. Still my fuse is still rather short. =) Sorry for those who have to put up with my tantrums, it wasn't something I would have wished for and I'm certainly trying to better cope with mood fluctuations. =D
Let me spend a little more time on this entry. ( Recently the posts may seemed much shorter and radical than in the past but it's because erm, there are dirty little secrets that you hide in your life but I choose to bring it up to a platform where more or rather concerned party can get to be informed of how I'm appreciating the situations.)
I know I have to depend more on myself now. It's not something bad actually. Everyone's different, so we cant expect every relationship to be the same. This period I would like to thank some people who are still in my life helping me, even in the very small ways: 05S19(YJ, Mitches-Kent), Dae ma, Deric, HH and many more whom I failed to name here. =) You may not know that by just being a friend, you are helping me a lot.
Anyway last Saturday, I went to town with Yong Kian and Kent. Ehs, nothing much to do, so just walked around. We ended up taking tours in supermarts at the basement of Paragon and Ngee Ang City. Goumet Hunt!! Did saw quite a spread of delicious food items and beverage, but I never bought anything, cause it still feels slightly weird to be carrying grocery from town to home?
Oh, there was a Wine "road show" in Paragon's basement, then the friendly salesaunts started pouring us generous amount of wine. Woot! We drank and got drunk, okay we didnt. Kent bought a bottle of sparkling wine, and one of the aunt gave us a sample bottle, say business not good, then ask the three of us go finish it up. LOL. How cool~!
Oh did I mention, we stole and ate very expensive and tasty champangne Grapes, that costs more than 50cents per grape!!! Very ex. Then so happens that it's very easy to do steal a bite, hehehehe, being little devils as we are... It was quite refreshing, really good grapes. =)
hmm.. I wont let the negativity sink in, at least for you. I must stay strong. I must be strong willed for my studies. I'm very happy that the syllabus is finally over! Can focus on revisions and not homework. Yeah!! ( Yup, there are actually silly people who are so happy when exams are reeling in fast.)
Life is good, I still believe.
Friend proves my point. =)
till then;
20:42
-[ Fullstop. ]-
Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now.
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Please be
Save me
I cry
Where are those angels
When you need them
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
And nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
Why do we ...
... chains ...
Crucify ourselves
Everyday
Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday
Today
I crucify myself.
till then;
01:44
Sunday, July 30, 2006
erm.
below are disorganised organisation of thoughts.
Dont dwell too much, baby.
Need to kill someone, why not my blog?
till then;
21:21
-[ Deep Within ]-
I would let love lead the way,
if not for my own instincts.
Something is wrong,
and I know you are running away.
From me, because you are running
like an angel away from the devils behind her constantly.
Oh there's a slight difference between love and relationship.
I dont need the distinction made clear,
I just wished for you to realised it.
If I've done you wrong,
I should feel guilty.
But it's not me.
If I've hurt you,
I am really sorry.
I dont mean it.
But there are some things in myself,
that's radiating seriously from deep within.
I only know I love you.
And hope you face yourself.
Nice song hor!!
till then;
21:02
-[ Making someone happy ]-
Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy Shi Qi 547 Itchy
till then;
20:58
-[ Just you ]-
Just the thought of being close to you.
Its incomparable.
I should be happy with the life I live,
And the things I do, seems like I have it all.
Can't make you, make you love me baby.
It's my life, what can I do?
Can't make you love me,
I'm just a boy with a crush on you.
-Can't make you love me: BJS
I dont need mountains of gold,
I dont need a million years.
You know what I need.
I dont need apologies,
if you cant hold my hand.
I dont want words,
if meaning it is not your style.
I'm sad,
I'm not rejected.
I'm just dejected.
I'm just dwelling in the lies you made to yourself.
till then;
20:49
-[ Updates ]-
Sorry for the lack of regular postings despites some of your reminders, peeps. =X
Was caught up with some mentally bogging stuff. =)
Updates would be still be less frequent, I reckon.
Study pace gotta pick up and I gotta study harder.
Lesser time for everything else, lesser focus for everything else.
More energy on studies,
but no less importance of everything else.
I must make it.
till then;
20:34
-[ Ravaged Beast ]-
This is just my animal instinct, not my hallucinations.
Saturday something has happened to me,
As I was having my cup of tea.
Suddenly I was feeling depressed,
I was utterly and totally stressed.
Do you know you made me cry?
Do you know you made me die?
And the thing that gets to me ,
Is you'll never really see.
And the thing that freaks me out,
Is I'll always be in doubt.
It is a lovely thing that we have.
It is a lovely thing that we.
It is a lovely thing, the animal,
The animal instinct .
So take my hands and come with me,
We will change reality.
So take my hands and we will pray.
They won't take you away.
They will never make me cry, no.
They will never make me die.
And the thing that gets to me,
Is you'll never really see.
And the thing that freaks me out,
Is I'll always be in doubt.
It's the animal instinct in me.
till then;
20:07
Saturday, July 22, 2006
-[ Oops ]-
It's been quite some time since I really spend time to blog.
Really sorry because I was spending a lot of time running around and studying. Just didnt have the time to sit down and type type type. Sorry.=P
The study stress is feeling me now. Teachers have spoken about their expectations explicitly. Browsing through the result slip that I just got today, all four subject tutors have but one thing to voice out, "He has great potential to do well and is currently underperforming."
O.o
Jia You!
A$$20
Oh yah someone from A$$20 sorta apologised and hope I can get over the matter. No worries to her, I say. You owe no one no apologies. Just have fun!
It was rather funny instead- to receive an apology for bitching others. Oh well, she meant well.
pL
It's great to see you really starting to get more independent, and remember I'll be here for you. And yah, you can only call me when you have problems and no one to look for. LOL! =P
Just joking! you are indeed getting more and more busy. =(
Remember to study hard, okay!
GeneraL
This past month has been rather wonderful actually.
Exams and deadlines are forcing near, so it's time to put things aside for a moment and work hard! But I wouldnt let things shallow. Gotta have perseverence and love. =P
till then;
12:23
Friday, July 21, 2006
-[ babyless ]-
Time check.
This marks one day without your voice.
Oh how I miss you so,
how you voice will change everything I'm feeling right now.
Oh how I wished I could tell you I love you right now,
and let you know I'll be alright.
I just need you.
WeiJun is growing strong.
till then;
03:23
Thursday, July 06, 2006
-[ B*tch Out ]-
Today I had an half hour break at 10.30 following a whole stretch of lectures and tutorials, I was feeling veh hungry and there were no seats. Dumb people are occupying the seats like dogs who pee on their territory, placing bags all around. And if there were eating, I'd have jolly well shut up and not blog about this.
These ****tards were chatting away, flipping at notes. Not one but rather, quite a few groups. I mean, there's nothing wrong with studying in the canteen but surely you arent that ignorant that a lot of people are having break during that period (i.e if you have eyes) and some only have one pathetic break (i.e. if you have friends from other classes), and yet you are happily seating on a 8-seaters bench with three, four friends smiling away.
This is a stupid school canteen, not a cafe.
Pissed enough to pack my breakfast and have it somewhere near my next lecture and having to gobble down the food in mere 5 minutes, and I still have to deal with more stupid people. I had a hunch things arent going to get well with seatings but i decided to shut my trap and watch the situation in the lecture theatre. As always, we werent the first in the lecture, in fact the last few to enter. I noticed that my class is only occupying one full row of a bloc of the hall and there are left with about 3/4 of the row in front empty.
We are supposed to have about at least 2.5 rows of seats of a bloc. Oh well, we're always bullied. I walked in first and move up to next to some girls from A$$20 and put my butt down. And all the b*tches in front and next to me and ,"Wei, HEy Wei!"...
I am fkucing pissed to make any comments and just stood up, swing my bag and moved out of the row to join another class to sit with them. Darn pissed! Hello, My class only has one row now if u are still so fkucing blind and getting me off my seat. They even bossed my friend off and left about 5 seats empty. I thought they had classmates coming to join them, so I kept my piece.
Only to realised, it's just that the b*tches had wanted to move up and sit with her fellow b*tches. I heard from a friend that after we cleared the seats and the b*tche asked SzeH to move up, SzeH grumbled loudly, "I dont want to sit liao."
Just try to sense my blood boiling. Lucky I was too tired to even make a comment right then.
Oh yah, fkuc the ex councillors.
There's this guy called Su sian, a councillor, and he was sleeping in one of the math lecture. The lecturer saw it, called his name politely and all he did was not giving a sh*t about what she said and just rest his head on his hand and went back to sleep.
HELLO. I'm not saying I dont sleep in lecture. But at least when the lecturer wakes you up, you sit up with shame and at least pretend to be paying attention. It's about courtesy. Moreover, you are a SC. Aren't you supposed to be a little more exemplary and should be able to command my respect? Not that you cant make mistakes, just that I'm a little biased over here.
Now I see why I didnt.
My mood was darn bad as you see, it's because I'm veh tired. But heng I met ming today, woo, it was surprising and I'm veh happy. Wee.=D You totally changed my mood, man. Thanks!
Oh, what I did above is regarded as K@oBeh(KB) by mitches. And why I KB so much about trivial stuff when I do such irritating stuff also may seemed a little contradictory, but hey, this is what KB is about. You wanna b*tch about something, you must outdo others. Be unreasonable and have a whole bunch of mitches standing by you. =)
So shut up and nod.
or just shut up.
till then;
20:23
-[ Results ]-
Common Test 2 was held during the last week of June Holidays for my school. Did try to study, although haven't really put much heart into it.
Just as what Miss Lang started to comment, "Willy Beh...." And I know what she was going to say and quickly replied, "orh, okokokokok..."
Knowing that I understood-ed her, she still continued with increased volume, "You are under-performing."
Yup. I am. To my own standard. But to my subject tutors, under-performing was with respect to my O' Levels results. 8 points for L1R5 and still choose @@, of course I'll be expected to be like topping the class or the school.
Blah.. I'm not that ambitious. I am not the best, but I'll seek to do my best. I dont dare to put in ALL of my effort now too, I'm afriad history would repeat itself. I worked too hard for my 'O' Prelims and thus for O's I dont know, I didnt do as well as I expected it to be.
Oh wells, A levels is my ultimate goal. I'm so sick of such syllabuses, where you have to study everything and sit for one-three papers at the end of it all. It's just so stupid. Wanna move on to the tertiary education style where you sit for modules/courses by itself and you dont have to continue to mug at them altogether for your final paper.
My grades this time:
GP:54.5/100
Maths:53/100
Physics:52.5/100
Chemistry:70/100
I know it really seemed like dirty-raggy results but hey, hmm, I'll work harder. It wouldnt be taken into consideration for my final A' Levels or prelims scores.
Final target: A,A,B(A hopefully),A2.
Go Willy!!
till then;
18:46
Saturday, July 01, 2006
-[ If one day 1.1 ]-
Just two more person I would like to add on to the previous list on -[ If One Day ]-.
Daniel(Ze Lun) would prolly miss me a little for my rantings and me going up to him with my doubts and questions. Or maybe im a bother and a pain in the ass? hahaha.. Maybe he would miss me a little for my sarcasm which involves concern. I dont know.
YuZheng would probably miss me a little for the swimming weekends. YuZheng would probably miss a little of the times we had great meals and the times we poke fun at each other. He might miss me a little for my stupid biological/science questions i ask.
05S19 would probably miss me a little for my mean-ess. Nah.. i think i would miss 05s19 more instead.-
Feeling a little all too emotional.. Might end up in a daze while crossing the street then kena bang down by a car then really die. Oh.
I'm not okay.
till then;
23:49
-[ If one day.. ]-
Peili asked me to do something similar to her entry on 01/07/2006.
Yup true, certainly thought about my life going a little wild, a little wrong.
But the list of "what ifs" just runs on, I just wanna highlight two here.
Bear in mind that whatever I talked about here are in no order or importance, ranking or so to say.
I have deliberately messed up the way names(and the messages) are listed.
This post, only one purpose:
Just in case, I'm gone for no reason.
If one day.. I went missing on purpose,
How would you find me?
Keep ringing up my cellphone or my domestic phone?
Do you know who I would turn to?
Do you know where I would run to?
Or would you just pray for a miracle?
Or would you even bother?
For most of the time, a normal-non-scheming person runs away to hide for two reasons:
=/To have a little time being alone.
=/To be found by you.
If one day.. I were to die,
What would be your first reaction?
Would you say, "What a pity!" or "I cant believe it."?
What would you miss about me?
My stupid jokes, my sarcasm, my blog?
My concern for you?
Or would you still hate me?
Black Beans International (BBI) would probably feel all too lost for the noisy and stupid Willy isn't there anymore. Probably misses his ridiculous jokes and veryveryvery mean comments on every friend/stranger. Shiqi would probably miss me a little for my listening ear i've lent him before. Lester probably miss me for being mean to him. Shuzhen might miss the curse of Alexandra taking its toil on us and all the giggles we shared, and for being my longest friend(From when I was 5). Yuhui would probably cherish the lamest jokes we cracked and for the comfort we gave each other. Serene would probably miss me for being irritating and wishing someone to get on her nerves. Jie ying probably would miss the times when we laughed over stupid stuff and times when I help her carry stuff. Eileen would prolly miss me, would she? She would, we are friends. BBI prolly would come together and cry for a while and talk about the times we shared. I'm so sorry, keep BBI going.
Yixin would probably feel a little lonely on some nights when there's nothing much to do and a game of hexic might come in handy.
Probably a little lost when an examinations come along, and Willy isn't there to mug with her and to bug her with his stress.
Probably a little sad whenever she steps into an arcade centre standing next to a Pop'n'Music machine and reminiscing the times we scheme others away, the times we laugh till we cant hit the buttons.
Probably a little hate when I am not there when she wants to scheme an evil plan to escape.
Probably miss me for the times we shop for presents and assert our creativity in it.
Probably a little of the times we shared our food.
I'm sorry for being so selfish and left first.
Peili would probably miss me just a tiny bit for the times we went out and went crazy, the long phone calls we shared, the closest we enjoyed. She would probably miss me most for my listening ear and me sharing my personal stuff. She would probably sign into my blog and do some stuff bah. (Go ahead, you have my permission) I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain again.
JunMing would prolly miss me a little bit for the care we gave each other. Probably a little for the period of time when nights were never lonely and cold, I'm sorry to leave first.
Ken would probably continue missing me. So sorry.
Weilin would probably miss the times we travel to school together and laugh over the stupid-ess stuff. And when we critique other people. Probably the times we eat garlic bread together. Probably the times we spy at my deardear. Probably the most embarrassing acts we commited.
OG14 would probably missed my stupidity and my trademark pose. Probably also the unitedness we all once shared. Probably the laughters we always have had. Thanks OG14, esp Jacq, Calista, Andrew, Kelvin, Sherylynn.
Mitches would probably recall me for me "coldness" and stupid stupid jokes. Probably the tears we shared because of jokes. Probably the role play and drama mamas we all played together.Kent would probably a little miss me for my sarcasm most dearly. Probably also some of the goodnight messages and motivation and help we gave each other in times of adversities and doubt. Probably a little of the times we sipped coffee and talked about everything personal and hypothetical. Forgive my evilness and thank you for accepting me the way I am. JieSheng probably would miss me for the times we are having drama class. Cheng probably miss me for my sarcasm and rudeness and the times we studied together with Kenty Panty. Tong would probably miss me for sms him sometimes when... Thomas probably miss me for the times when we "attituded" together and when we shared genuine/honest comments and stories with each other.Nicholas probably hope a little that I am still there to poke fun at him and just talk talk talk.
Huiting would prolly miss a little for the times we share our problems and when I depended on her for her help. She would probably miss a glimpse of the times we danced together, the time we laughed together. Probably also the times when I teased and bully her. =) I'm so sorry.
Alicia would probably miss me for the evil poking at each other. Probably she would be so inbalanced when yang is gone. BWI and A&W would be gone. Darkness would probably prevail. I'm sorry I'm not always there.
KaiLin would probably miss the times when we are in 05S71. Probably our PCME gang. Probably the times we just laughed until we cant move.
So many probably i used.. why?
Im not sure whether I'm good to you at the slightest degree.
and Am I worth your time and memory?
Not really.
So, please move on with hope.
Oh right, I must wait till my note book is done. I'm having personal letters addressed to people close to me. We'll see. And I didnt mention everyone who touched me in the slightest way or moved me deeply because it's just so impossible. I do love you.
With love.
till then;
03:17
