Just me...

Monday, February 27, 2006

=============== snaps of mE ===============

`see me, hear me...

...never fathom me '

till then; 00:42

Friday, February 24, 2006

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How much?

Just how much are you willing to give up?

Assume the scenerio of a man who has stolen 3000 dogs from across your nation(non-muslim), comes up to you, passes you a knife and issues you a challenge: plunge a knife in one of the dogs he's chosen, and he'll set the remaining free. Otherwise, all of them would be as good as gone. Ignoring the reasons as to why he'd come up to you of all other people, what would you do?

Cross checked with Cheng, Kent, ykian, Simin and Dqi, some of us would actually sacrifice that one dog. I would hypothesise the cause of their actions into 3 points:

1) With only one sacrificed, the percentage saved is actually very large. As the saying goes, ""Only with sacrifices, do winners come about."

2) The dog killed is not related to you and you're doing the other dogs a good deed.

3) It was after much summoning of courage and reason that leaves you with this choice.

I, however, held on to a different belief. "Sacrificing one to benefit the others" is a good thing, but can we note that the quote is not recalled completely? It is "Sacrificing oneself to benefit the others". The sacrifice talked about should be about self-sacrificial, not about sacrificing others. Now's it may only be a dog, but what if it's a human? Would you do the same just to save the "others"? Personally, I dont believe in killing to save, not in such cases when the dog/person is not even ill or handicapped. There are already many issues on law and justice on: Who has the right to judge? Who are we to judge the other dogs' lives is worth that one dog's life?

Next, the dog that I've put to you in the case is of no kin to you, what if, just what if, that dog happens to be your pet for 10 years already? Would you be able to even put the knife at its throat? I guess that's most probably a no. With the variable changed, we can now see that we wont want to do such stuff to out kins. But even if it is not your pet, you might be killing it against its will, because the dog isn't capable of thoughts so complicated, and even if it could, it would be hard for it to communicate with you. These are my thoughts because I'm a person who at certain times, place emotions before the right rights.

I'm not saying that those who would sacrifice the dog as ignorant and selfish. The best solution is always subjective, and everyone is entitled to their own views as i am to mine. Diffferent people have different concerns and hence, different behavior to different situations.

The above reflection doesnt mean I will watch the others die. I believe there is a better solution and i believe it is within reach. even if it means my life, cause 3000 dogs leh.. worth the sacrifice. I do love my own life, but at the same time, im with that self detest too, which is why im always changing,(friends with me long enough should see this). That is why, I value others' lives above mine. Im one who would treat an enemy better than how i treat myself. =).

This leads to another self contradiction. I'm one person who detest to progress at the expense of others, but there are times where I have to do so. I'm selfish lah. Im only human, a perfetc(perfetc:check definition in first text entry in November 2005) one. =

WIth the above issue closed, how about:

-][ If say one of your family member lost a limb, would you clone parts of him/her just to replace the lost limb? That at the expense of taking out cells from him/her and making duplicates of imcomplete him, who are uncapable to grow into a full human. And we're not even sure, how many of these duplicates have to be created before a suitable one is found. Some would argue that let nature take its course, it's fate, we have to accept it, and living by the quote that "Only when one falls and pick himself up will he learn and grow stronger.". While the other view would be that why not cure someone when the technology is available and with the possibility to return one to its "normal state", fills the advocates of cloning with plenty of "why nots". The opposing arguments leads to the formation of a grey area, of which is too hard to identify.

-][ If say you(gal)'re pregnant or your dear wife did an amniontic test to realise the child will be born handicapped, be it mentally or physically, would you abort the child? It's really a subjective view. but for me, i would prefer the choice of abortion for three simple reasons. One, I'm not sure if ive the capability, money and time, to spend with the child given the extra care s/he'll need. Two, I'm sure i can practice non-conditional love on him/her, but if a second child is born, im not that all saint. Three, knowing that he would be deformed before he's born, i would not want him to face the stress the society would "bestow", this society, just like many other, is just not ready to accept any unconventionals, for instance open realtionships and the minorities. But if i only found that he's not as "normal" as others only after he's born, I'll love him with no concerns. Leading us to another issue, Is genetic testing all that good?

There are just so many grey areas in life. Find them to lose them.

(above)Me and Yuhui, at L.O.V.E. landmark. On me and lester's birthday celebrations at Orchard Fish n Co 2005. Model shoot LoL, man I was stick thin then. Guess what from the the of Secondary Four till now, I've gained 18kg to just make it pass the 70kg milestone. It's time to control my rampaging appetite and do more workouts. LoL

(above)A gorgeous Chiobu pic that simpLi sent me from friendster some time ago. Really stunning, hope she's no shemale. However even if she is not, Im still on my guard. She's like the most beautiful, adorned with the most deadly spikes. lol.. dont know her anyway, just saw her pic. hope i dont get sued because i use her pic.

Why does the world decieve?

Why do I make believe?

Took my heel and make Archiles out of me.

till then; 21:46

Friday, February 17, 2006

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Unknown me.

hmm. constantly misunderstood, even i sometimes doubt myself. Man, it's hard being sociable. lol, im speaking like a Martian(no offence nick). It's been eighteen years of me, but friends i meet dont face all eighteen years with me, at the max is a.b. zhen with 13 years of care/concern/fun.

Hard to express some of my thoughts. Like when I really have no confidence in something, I couldn't express it to anyone. Take for example any class test, if i were to tell a classmate one day before the actual test that i havent found time to study, i would be dealt with with stares and "yeah, right"s and "bullsh*t"s. I cant actually blame them, cause hmm, they are not accustomed to how i study for a test and especially because of my O' levels result. Come on loh, the day i step into 05S19, i can literally hear whispers and murmurs of "that's the eight pointer". Sh*t man. That's a shot in the heart man. still i refuse to openly declare why i chose JJ, instead of my dream SAJC.

Examinations to me are a form of challenge issued from within me to me. and results are just self-reflections of whether i won or lost the challenges. Seriously speaking, though i look up to people who always perform well in exams, im my own biggest target. That's is why when I got 25/30 for a recent organic chem test, i was not all that woo-wah-wee. Yeah, no doubt it's a great score. but given the effort that i put in and the objective of the test to me, i expect a 28/30. Moreover, I hate making silly mistakes. I'm just ambitious, not swollen headed. But it's hard to tell that to anyone, cause hmm, my classmates hmm works differently from me. Nonetheless, JJ05S19 still rule my life man. It's like the coolest thing I've ever been in. With all the ShinShining, heeheeing, jumping freezer and kaopehing, there's just no end to coldness and fun.

So far right, i can relate to YXin my true feelings about some stuff. LoL.. I only dare to tell her how I truly think of the difficulty of the paper and how much i think I'll rule or suck at the paper. Reason being, we've spent some time studying together and hmm, sharing hints, chioning together at last minutes. she's my pillar at times man. =) oh yah, friends around me normally dont stay for very long de, she's one of the most lasting one, cause she's rather bo chap me at times. So sian lah, when I get high and crazy, she sians me. LoL.. but on days that she high with me, we'll go crazy; trust me. She's arh, rather homely, passive and cute. oh yah, she's a tu zi(rabbit). lol. People dont believe in platonic relationships nowadays, but whatever the crap lah..

and for pLi. that worrywart, fun, dependant, smart, talented, artistic and siao gal, hmm, been friends for some years, though there are intervals, which i do not wish to mention yet. She's so inconfident at times and doubtful of herself when it comes to decision making. I like to ask her for opinions, cause she give me true opinions and we got a 10point system for a lot of things. I'm her 10point leh.. lalalla, you guys wont understand de lah.

Loving all you guys always. (i mean it when i say always.)

I blog so gayly man. =)

but what's wrong with expressing my love for my friends? do you even dare to?

http://kevan.org/johari?name=perfetcLite

Try this and fathom me.

There's a danger in loving somebody too much, and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.

till then; 12:02

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

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El día de Valentino feliz

Valentine's day is here!!

Emotions: uncertained, unassured. (these are not hints or pressure hor, just emotions.)

Song to reflect me: La tortura-Shakira, Ai Feng Le-Penny Dai

I love pie.28d

School have been busy, very busy, almost like Viagra Fall where when you stand in the flow, you dont really have time to stop for a breather. Oh man, Im so drained, but I have to keep going on. I know I have friends with me though. =) oh man, monday monday, no monday blues but weekday stress came in!! So many stuff to do, maths, chem, phys, this that that this, KILL ME!!!. However there are cheerful acts too. Kan Hong, my classmate, was so klutz lah. Miss Lang was giving out maths test question which she told us to tear the Qn paper into half because it's supposed to be shared among two persons. But Kan Hong misheard her saying we only need half a foolscap and went to tear his foolscap into half, erupting laughters from all around the class when john and shawn announce what he did. Lol. Lessons dragged on till 4.30 lah, I was no different from a seedling left in the sun for hours, drying me up by the second. Oh yah, I saw Joseph's entry on the Top 10 Woman who impacted his life. Im like so wah, I also want to do it. hahaha.. see lah.. when i have time.

Anyway, I realised some things through my own observations.

1.Taurians(Taurus beings) are more solitary, absolute and non-aligned to community living. In the sense that they are able to survive living alone and friends are not definites in their life. This is especially true for the males but this is of a smaller scale and a different orientation for the females. Also, they are blessed with some special abilities in life. =) Observed through: Ken, Joseph, Pei Li, Shu Rei, Kelvin(OG14), me and many more.

2.The benefits of being solitary is that it forces one to be more intellectual. In the sense that they have to think faster and more all-rounded/defensive. Solitary Taurians are also more sensitive to others' feelings, and can to a certain extent, expect others' reactions and subsequent movement. They can also understand situations and things around them in a shorter time compared to others. Not only so, they have better logic and creative juices too. The disadvantage, however, is that it is harder for such creatures to trust, a period of orientation is required. But once trust is acquired, doubts will be sent into thin air. Another minus minus is that Taurians have problems finding strength at times, rendering them indecisive for many important decisions, in so leading to deep regrets for some stuff. Observed through: Ken, past me.

3.The benefit of social animals, is that one is more chirpy and have support from many friends around them. They are also stronger if one can see that power grows with numbers. Social animals group together very often and they have a more balanced mind, body and soul. This behavior, however, often falls into the pitfall of "over-interdependence", weakening the ability of one to survive alone in trials. Thus, a social animal lacks in some of the qualities a solitary animal has. Observed through: JJO5S19, pp like YunJie, Wei Lin, Shu Zhen, Cher Chuan,++.

4. Im not a true blue Taurian, neither am I that of a social creature. I'm like a mix, more like one with split personalities(shuang cong Xing Ge), more of a Gemini(like Yuhui). I'm both an optimist and a pessimist, both a thinker and a hands-on person. I'm not saying im the best among my friends, i'm just saying im strange. Not well balanced though. I have the plus plus and minus minus from both types of creatures. Im one who dont like groupies, the most preferrable friends groups is 3 by 3. meaning groups of three. However in S19, I'm quite comfortable with the big group I'm in, cause we dont dissociate ourselves or discriminate others excessively. Oh yah, I need my friends who are really my friends, or even my attached party to listen to me when i speak. I need understanding especially from these people who are in my heart. For others, I dont care less what they think really. One thing im sure of, I talk to myself a lot(not literally), I play mind games with myself and I challenge myself mentally. Dont know what im trying to send across also, i love and hate myself.

One more thing, my thoughts are getting more disorganised and messy to the point that, I write and type non-flowing lines. LoL. Oh Well. Love Love Love.

No matter what negativity comes your way, what criticism and what pain you receive, never stop believing in yourself and God. Faith leads you. Never stop dreaming, that's the worse thing one can do.

till then; 12:00

Thursday, February 02, 2006

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Blogging

Wanted to blog very much about the Chinese New Year Eve that I've spend with my JC classmates and my Chinese New Year with my primary school friend. but couldnt summon the determination to do so, mr procrastination is doing what he is best at again. I still need to reply alicia a letter, two other blog entries on my secondary one life and my love life at 15. i suck.

till then; 23:48