Controversial Me
I'm one who used to be afraid of being different,
to identify and be myself.
Until I realised I was being silly,
letting the people around me control me,
moulding me into yet another typicales that they're becoming themselves.
They call me weirdo, loser, sissy, sucker
when I was trying to set my footings.
They pushed me far out.
back in 2001.
All started when Sher-loser-man Lim Goofy
lost his reasonings in a misunderstanding between me and him,
and started the name-calling game (one-sided).
What was the misunderstanding for, you ask?
For a simple Literature project.
Da*n he screwed my life,
but thanks he made me reaslied it's high time to wake up my idea.
I didnt know how to express myself.
I dont know how to explain my way out the mess.
I dont know where to find inner peace.
A year of loneliness,
you cant imagine.
A year of searching,
you wont like to endure.
Thank goodness for God, Yixin, June.T , Lixin, Wanlin,
Benjamin lim, Thomas (forgot the surname, from YHOPE SINGAPORE), Abigail, Geradine, Jane, Sherby
and many more I failed to identify here
for being there with me then.
when i was most vulnerable
In 2002,
I found myself,
just a little clearer of who I am.
They approached me and called me a buddy.
Wow, for all that sissiness I'm displaying they'd agreed with Sherman.
They apologised though.
and I dont hold it against them.
No today,
If not for them.
Funniest thing is Jian Heng forgot why he even agree with Sherman,
said he was really sorry.
Cher Chuan, Shao Yong, Jian Heng, Jeremy, Benjamin, Ken and many more
came to re-know me.
Got especially closed with Shao Yong and Cher Chuan and Ken.
They were my brothers man.
So much fun, so much stories, so many memories.
Already lost them though,
due to my foolishness to give way up my friendships
for Ken and his desires.
Lost them dearly.
Misses them dearly.
Really want them back,
but it's an impossibility.
But I'll not stop trying.
Me now.
I'm closer to opening the very doors to my heart.
So amazing that some friends are already in there when I'm still on my way.
I care about the opinions my close/real friends have for me.
Like that of Hui Ting,Yixin, PeiLi, Thomas Tong, Tong Loong, Kent.s, Cheng Wai,
L. Jie Sheng, Nicholas Chan, Deric
and many many many more.
I'm not talking about super close friends though,
as long as I find you real and truthful,
I'll listen.
They reflect truth and advises
that i'll heed.
I dont bother to explain to those who are clouded with
who I am
what I am
and what I do.
For whatever I explain,
I seem to be so selfish,
trying to clear my name
in the expense of badmouthing the other person inevitably.
As what history has thought me,
I'm learning from it.
I'll let the moments you spend with me
explain everything.
It's kinda cool though,
even up to this point I've people bad-mouthing me.
Am I that worth it? haha so honoured man.
Latest I heard was that
I was a flirt, desperado and a digusting pig.
That I take obscene and seductive pictures.
Personally,
that all you've said
made me understand more about people.
and moreover you're complimenting my pictures taken.
I'm just comfortable with being myself.
Are you?
But so far,
I've not taken anything to display my you know what.
Nudity is an art,
but taking a fully naked shot to me,
I feel disgusted.
I'll like some form of imagination.
so they'll always be some form of coverage.
So many rumors I'm still hearing.
and no, I wont clarify with you who I am attached to.
Leave a lil space for imagination,
isn't that good exercise for your brains?
I do explain to people close to me on most issues though,
issues that I think are too complicated to be fathom by one's mind alone.
and for the reason that I dont wanna lose anyone dear anymore.
I've learnt to have many pivots in life.
Not solely on one,
not only on Ken.
Whatever people say in attempt to break me,
makes me.
I guess one of my biggest influence was Britney Spears.
Hell no, you say?
She's not all sacred, holy, righteous and a role model to mass public.
But she is to me.
She dont showcase the best vocals around yet,
she doesnt sing life 24/7.
But hey,
as an artiste, an entertainer,
she's the best around.
She's being herself,
being controversial.
She said stuff that are all too contradicting to herself,
but hey, we're only humans.
We make mistakes,
so why dont you look at your own?
Being out in the media at the age of 15,
and under all the limelight and media attention,
no privacy to speak off,
no high-school and college to learn her ways(Secondary school and Junior College in Sg context.),
no room for mistakes.
She's her own abscondence.
She has her reasons,
and she totally loves and totally hates herself too.
LoL
Look at her interviews
No doubt she's screwed up now.
But I certainly hope she'll soar in near furutre after her ecrovid. LoL
She will.
Like how Britney, Christina Aguilera, Enimnen, Stefanie Sun and many artistes
conceal secret messages in things they do,
like their music,
I do show you who I am,
just the matter of your sharpness to read me out.
Standing tall.
Simple.
Complex.
Controversial.
Unfathomable.
Lite.
Read what my girlfriend blogs about, http://www.simplified-truth.blogspot.com
Please visit also:
A really goofy and funny interview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XGtDFI28ws&search=britney%20interview
Sidenotes: The interview asked why her car was always "topless" in the movie.
Touching Interview where she cried:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYtkfrpKBjI&search=britney%20interview
Lastest and funny interview of BS:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhdwlo0huhE&search=britney%20interview
Sidenotes: Sean P is her son.
till then;
13:09
