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Sperms vs 8
edited 04/03/05
Pretty much how my brains are functioning now, like that of sperms, unlike that of a typical eight pointer, working, moving aimlessly. As i'm struggling to do the tedious and 'boresome' maths, im dying. Basically, it's like the saying, "I integrate while i disintegrate". It's not that the maths questions are geniusly challenging, it's just that I'm not in the zone to commit a few hours, sit down and concentrate on my studies! I know, my personal matters shouldn't compromise my studies, more over im a eight pointer, but im only human, you just dont get that do you?
Due to my f*up-ed painted all over the eight pointer's face, it's not hard for people around me to realise im not the "me" they use to know. That's why recently my friends keep reckoning that the i'm upset. I've kent, lynn, yun jie, thomas, yuhui and several more coming up to me, and checking whether im sound, whether im back on Earth. Why didnt they suspect the martian, nicho, kidnapped and brainwashed me with some sadness? LoL. Just a no-link accusation, leave my martian friend alone! O.o
Even Wei Jian commented me as "out of the zone" or something or similar sense, how could i seem find to people close to me? Kent was the most there-for-me person, kept checking if I was fine, reaffirming that he was there for me to confide in, that the tide would be over soon and stood by my side. hmm, not that I dont wanna share, but maybe i already shared with you, just that you didnt picked it up? hahaha..! anyways, it's not that you didnt help me, u did. really. and, it's not that i dont wanna share the whole thing once through with ya. But I dont know what went wrong now too, everything just crashes, but dont worry, i'm never gonna give up, still supporting the debris and building up from there. Actually, still dont know what cause the collapse, how far the damage or whether there is a collapse at all. The police is still high on this case.
I really need support of my friends, meaning the eight pointer wishes to exploit you guys. It's times like these that my attention spans minimises, and my mind wanders off at every opportunities it finds. This caused me to lose lots of stuff because i left them behind. Jie sheng asked me after Tong and Thom kept my wallet from me after a lunch and i didnt realised whether I ever lost my wallet like that, my answer was a No. That's true, because i lose every other things besides the wallet. Lost my watch, water bottle etc barely into the year in JJ, when i was lingering in troubled waters. You must be thinking, what kind of clumsy eight pointer i am.
Oh, speaking of friends, think it's evident that the stress level is high in the class and many people are bending and reacting to the pressure. Some vent their anger on others, stucking a damn dagger into my heart and lacerate it across. I have my limit, but my limit will not break in front of u. and whatever shit u stuck in my face now, is "seh-ing" a base ball bat to the brittle bone, thinking it's still strong. neh neh pok. LOL.. Im trying very much not to curse. I mean, i understand u do have ur problems, but can u guys sometimes not say hurting stuff like when i reply to what you guys are discussing about and u stabbed the words of "Nobody's asking for your opinions what". Oh man, I think if respect needs to be earn. I think some people reckon i deserve none. To shit things further, some of them can have you like a clown and draw you like a drawing block belonging to some toddlers, but when u play a little trick on them, they erect a hell for u to reside it, with stares at u sending Infra-red messages, "Stop doing that, you childish boy. Get a life. Grow up. Your irritating." Oh man, I'm really going at it.
Im not an eight pointer that's underperforming. Expectations and demands are different things, okay? You keep wanting me to be the best, cause im an eight pointer. But let me tell you this, in my secondary school years, though I was known to good results, i was not prone to the you-should-always-top-the-class attitude.
NEVER.
Did you know that I failed maths and History when I was sec one? My friends wont come to me when they have questions. Understandable, since i cant provide myself with answers for "A-s", how could i provide any solutions for my friend. that's what spurred me up to do well: To prove to myself that I can do it. True enough, with some help, I got 8As out of 9 subjects by secondary two. Amazing feat, even to myself.
During my upper sec years, it was the challenges that Mdm Yaw and Mrs Goh that got me to strive higher. The first chemistry test that I took during secondary three was Naming of Chemical Compounds and its ions. I got 18.5/20. Though Mdm Yaw never saw me ever before my Sec three years, she has since had have high expectations of me. When I get a 50+/70 for a Chemistry paper two, her comments would be: You should be scoring 60 and above!. I was dumbfounded many times. A class test that I manage to get 15/20, her comments would be: "Good, but you should be getting 20/20." Hey, I was a A-star pupil in the eyes of teachers and i was a pile of shit to begin with. That did spur me a lot. But what really got me working hard for O' levels was Yuzheng, YiXin and lots of stress that I give myself. I wanna see how far I can go. 10 for prelims and my mother asked me whether I was satisfied, I replied, "No," then all she said was, then you work hard to get what you want loh. Retrieving the results of 8 for the O' levels, my mom revealed that she expected an 8 out of me, but didnt want to stress me or anything, so let me work at my max loh.
The eight points was an achievement on being at one of MY best forms, but not being THE best forms.
Relating to that point, I really like Bukit Batok Secondary School's Motto, Be Our Best. Note that it's not the emphasis to be THE best in everything that we do, but be at OUR best. Common sense you may think, but sometimes we tend to underestimate challenges and belittle them. =)
Now, in JJ, my emphasis have changed. I'm not pursuing academic excellence, I'm instead going for personality enrichement. Actually, my priority have never really been studies. But teachers, assuming they know me very well, scratch a mark high on the wall and expect me to jump past it completely all the time and stay there. The worst comment was "This is called underperforming. Many single digits come into JJ and scored ABB when they could have gotten AAA. While there are 12 - 16 pointers score 4 straight As. Why is this so? because some of us chose to be lazy. you better think about it."
If not for the respect, I would have used cheng's, nick's, tong's, thom's, kent's and my own combo hits to toot the toot out of toot toot toot toot toot. I have wanted very much to rebutt her arguments, but i find no point. For whatever you do, you dont satisfy everyone, and in the first place, I never said I was trying to please anyone. My aim is not class tests and tutorials, my short term aim is at A levels and further on, I have my own goals set and
I'll do MY best to reach them.
This is, however the very problem with the Dog Tamers and the 24 Chief Dogs are trying to be: The best. Not unattainable, but just impragmatic. There's no such need, just because u need a JJ identity and a JJ spirit. Dont force it out please, you guys're making yourselves look asinine.
I dont mind Thomas and gang kao peh me on my eight point's awe, in fact i like it, but not anyone else and especially if you're not so close to me yet. BBI, primary school friends, and anyone close man.
Maybe im over-reacting, especially during this period when my fuse is desperate short and the circuit box is dangerous flammable. So you'll not only shut me down, you see me enguff you in flames. I'm really controlling. I sound horrible. but i am actually. Friends will not get to see the ugly side of my unfold on them ever, unless they push me into a pile of shit, etc.
So much time wasted on regrets, and so little time spent on cherishs.
So much time spent on crying, and so little used on solving the problem.
I'm just an atypical eight pointers.
P.S. Dont treat me so nice on the coming Monday or in the future, because u see this entry. Should you do that, I might inevitably find you fake and leave u. Just be yourself. All of a sudden, I understand pei yin a little more.
till then;
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